Silence

I have been silent for the last month or so, no news of my training or plans to race. It's because for the last 2 months and a bit I had been pregnant. We were expecting little baby B in early November of this year and both D and I, though a little surprised, were very excited. It took us a few weeks to adjust to the idea, but making space in your life for a little one seems so natural and we started enjoying it.

When we went for a routine scan last Monday, though, our plans abruptly stopped. The heartbeat that had been there the week before was no longer there. The silence was deafening - and the longer it went on, the more I wanted it to stop. We were told that we had lost the baby, it had died in the womb a few days before. I had suffered what is commonly called a "silent" or missed miscarriage - one when the baby dies, but the body does not expel it.

Miscarriages are so very common, 1 in 5 pregnancies ends like that. Yet no one ever seems to talk about them. Women are encouraged to keep their pregnancies quiet until after the 12 week mark, when miscarriage rates reduce dramatically and don't often talk about a pregnancy loss. Miscarriage is taboo, yet so very common and so very sad. And it seems, so very isolating too.

Why the silence? It is now widely accepted that it's a chance event, not caused by something that the mother did or didn't do (with a few exceptions like smoking and excessive alcohol consumption... and maybe bungee jumping). It is also a time when a woman needs support, instead of having to lie to those around her, pretending all is fine.

Well, I resent this silence and I break it. As we try and get back to normal I want to acknowledge what has happened to us, not fishing for sympathy but merely wanting to share this. To let anyone out there who has been through this, or will go through this, that yes, it is a sad time, yes, it is the end of a life and a dream. But it is only a hurdle on the way. My life goes on, and as with other difficulties, I will get stronger.

I don't feel stronger yet. Partly because physically I am in a bad way. A combination of blood loss and GA, as well as my body adjusting after a pregnancy, I have been very tired and with a very low blood pressure of 90/50. I am eating and drinking well in an effort to bring my blood volume up again.

So... can't quite resume training yet. But, believe me, I will be back to training and I will plan some races for this summer. And maybe I will traing for the Athens Marathon in November - and run it in memory of what wasn't to be.

A year on

I have had an enforced break from training lately. Having been sick on and off for the last 6 weeks has been frustrating, more than anything, but has given me time to do other things, which was not bad.
It hasn't been a complete break - I have had a few runs with the dogs (including one in a howling storm), I have run with the cross country class at school (hardly an endurance run, but loads of fun nonetheless) and have had some long walks on the mountain. No cycling though (weather has been miserable too!) or swimming.
This break from training aside, D and I had our first holiday pretty much since last year. It felt like a real break, we had a great time and absolutely fell in love with Rome. We were only there for 2 days, but really took the city in, walked around, smelled, tasted and enjoyed Rome so much. It was my first city-break holiday (I am more of an active holiday person, as might have been made clear on this blog) but I would go again in a heartbeat!

Back in Athens I had a visit from J - we had such a lovely time, helped along by beautiful sunny weather - spring is finally here! J is getting ready for a Marathon, her first and has made an amazing commitment. It is an inspiration. As was my other friend, M, running her first 10k race (on pure guts it seemed, as much of her training had been sabotaged by illness)! All in all I was a very proud friend last weekend and didn't mind being support group one bit!

It has also been a year from that Saturday last spring when I lost my dad. I miss him every day, he is with me in everything I do, but the pain has softened a bit. I feel lucky I had such a dad and his life and death is an inspiration to me to live my life to the full. I am certain he would still be very proud of me.

The long and short of it...

The long and short of it is, I love running. I enjoy going out, on almost any weather, almost any time of day and almost any terrain and simply running. I enjoy running with D, running on my own, running with my dogs, running with hundreds of others. I enjoy running after swimming and biking and I enjoy running out the door. I love running with music, podcasts or just listening to the world around me.

But when it comes to it, I really like running with a purpose. Training for a racemakes me get out on a rainy (and windy) Friday after school, when all I want to do is curl on the sofa and watch TV. And so with that in mind, I have decided to finally take the plunge and train for a marathon. D has been training for the M. Alexandros marathon in April.

Here's the deal. It won't be fast and it most likely won't be pretty. I am not ready to train or race a marathon, but herein lies the challenge. I am also injured: as it transpired on my last long run last Sunday, my old back injury has left me with a weak vastus medialis, from a damaged nerve root, which means my right knee unstable. And, just to top it all off, I have been sick for the last week, so my ever-important long run, tomorrow, is in danger.

And so in my mind I have been trying to decide, might it be better to go short, but fast, or is long (and slow) the better option. Given my biomechanical limitations when running, as well as the time I have to train, short and fast is clearly the more sensible option. Training to get faster over 5 or even 10 km, a very valid goal and one I would definitely like to concentrate at some point in my running life, has a strong pull. But not as strong as running a marathon at this stage. And so, purely to tick the box and enjoy the experience, on 11th April, I will be completing a marathon, even if I have to walk some (most?) of it.

Hope to finish with a smile!

Dafni 10k, Jan 2011

Smiles, blood blisters and sunshine, Ag. Kosmas 10k, Nov. 2010

Finishing with a smile! (Note, number 3 again, the joys of having a "foreign" surname starting with a B!)

" Smile Like you Mean it!"

Here I am on my last (and one of the first for a while) cycling sessions last Sunday, listening to the Killers song and smiling to my heart's content.

As D is mainly concentrating on running this season, I have to do most of the cycling alone. It was a beautiful January morning, crisp but fairly warm, sunny and with very little wind (no gloves!!). Bliss!

It was, as I mentioned above, one of my first rides this season. I have started to, slowly, get back into training and planning some fun racing for this season. Next race, another 10k this Sunday, though due to a foot injury I have been off for around 3 weeks and just hoping to finish in one piece.

After that my longer term target is, for the second time, the Astroman 1/2 Iron Race. It's a race I did last year (and suffered a lot!) but this time I will hopefully have more than 5 weeks of training behind me and less heat and humidity on the day.

I am excited to be having a second stab at this race and look forward to the training. It is a hilly race - have a look at the photo and note the drop behind me. I better get some good riding in.

Other races I will hopefully do this year: a 20km (in preparation for Astroman) and if all goes well and I feel up to it (ie have not got injured) the Athens Classic Marathon in October/November (I wonder when the organisers will let us know...) Missed the 2,500 anniversary of the race, but will be very happy to race the 2,501st one!

2011 - The Year of Adventure

I am leaving 2010 behind with little regret - yes, it was a tough year, but I feel that I did everything I had to do. As years go it will stay in my mind forever as one of the toughest. Yet now, in retrospect, my thoughts naturally gravitate to the good moments, the sweet times and it seems like that bad stuff didn't happen to me - like it was just a bad dream.

So, starting the New Year with a rush of hop

e. I don't have resolutions, I rarely do (I tend to make my resolutions mid-year and as they come). But I do have things I want to achieve and

things I want to do, just for fun. D made me this piggy bank to put them all in - I won't be sharing them here (and bore you all to tears.)

And so the year started well, with a hike up Mt Parnitha, which we have now vowed to get to know better. For those of you not familiar with the geography of the peninsula of Attica, it is basically a triangle jutting out into the Aegean. The city of Athens is almost surrounded by mountain - Immitos (where we used to do our Monday night runs), Pendeli (we live on and run on daily with the dogs) and Parnitha. Parnitha is the tallest of the lot (at 1330 m, 14 meters less than Ben Nevis, the highest mountain on the British Isles.)

We headed out there on a foggy and chilly New Year's day, taking along

our three d

ogs and Tami, a young dog we have been looking after during this festive season. We were not

sure where we were going, although we had some GPS guidance, but we decided to walk to the nearest refuge, Bafi, by way of a path that seemed to follow the road (oh yes, this is a mountain refuge you can drive to... another one.)

Here is D leading the way on the path with (from the left, Spencer, Tami, Fifi and little Hardy.)

The refuge towering above. We could see there was a lit fire, so we hurried on up.

Not far to go!

Bread and bean soup in the refuge.

The view (a bit cloudy)

Just before we began the climb down - dogs still with plenty of energy!

Our little adventure was just the thing we needed on New Year's Day. To remind us that we need to get out, to enjoy Greece, for as long as we are here, and discover new places, new mountains and new trails!

Happy New Year to all!

'Tis the Season...

I am loving this holiday! I am really enjoying having some down time. It does feel like it is the first real holiday in over a year. This time last year my dad was around, but our Christmas was so bitter sweet and fraught with fears for what was to come, as well as the bitter realisation that it was our last Christmas with my dad.

This year I finally feel that I have emerged from a tunnel and I am enjoying life again. I have loved having the luxury of time to do all the things that I love: to write and read, to swim and run, to walk the dogs and chat with Duncan about nothing and everything. To cook and bake, to go for coffee with friends... Oh the luxury of time!

Things I have really enjoyed:

1. Having my morning coffee/tea brought to me in bed, and staying in said bed, reading and writing until I feel ready to get up (which is usually around 9.30)

2. Having some time to finally tidy up the house and sort out my study/spare room. It is currently housing a lovely dog we are looking after while her family are in the States, but once her box is gone, my study will be tidier and an even better space to work from.

3. Having time to write this blog, but also to start my other (work-related blog). Check it out here: http://educatingtheable.blogspot.com/

4. Earl Grey

5. Leisurely walks with the dogs, without worrying about daylight. Usually the dogs have to be walked/exercised after work, which makes a tight turn-around. At the moment we can walk them anytime... even in the middle of the day. Very pleased with that!

6. Seeing friends and people I have not seen/spoken to in ages.

7. Swimming during the daytime. Which, in essence, means not having to fight for a lane or a shower with 20 7year olds.

8. Catching up with essential (and "purely for enjoyment") reading.

9. Making some nice food.

10. Eating some nice food.

Hope you are all enjoying the festive season. From the B household: Happy Holidays!

Something to live by...

My new something-to-live-by is this: "You can do anything you want, but you cannot do everything." Simple and succinct, as truth usually is.

I blatantly stole the phrase from Karnazes' book 50/50 (http://www.ultramarathonman.com/but it spoke to me so loudly at the time when I read it and its relevance on my own life has been proven pretty much every day since.

Few of us have the luxury of time. I know that both D and I try to cram so much into our day that often other things suffer. In the last few months I repeatedly started the day with a to-do list of 10+ items, only to have achieved 5 by the end of it. The problem is, and it is obvious, we cannot do everything. There are only 24 hours in a day and, if like me you love your bed, 8 of those are spent in bed. And, if like me you have a full time job, the other 8 you are at work. I won't go into the mathematics of time management - I am sure there are people out there (yes, you with children, jobs and training for IM's) who are far better qualified to give you the low down on how to juggle. No, this post is about the realisation that oftentimes, less is more.

I had a long hard think about it and I did put down my priorities. When you write it down in black and white, it is so much clearer. And life is now less stressful. Occasionally, and to some, my existence might seem ascetic, but it is just the way I like it! I prefer to take the dogs out for a run, than to go out for coffee. I would rather spend my Saturday morning writing, than ironing. And if not drying my hair with a hair dryer gives me 20 mins more in the pool... easy choice!

New member of the family Hardy (remember the puppies from the mountain -she is the sole survivor!) enjoying a well-earned rest after her first ever run on the mountain with the big boys, pictured below.