Random thoughts...

The last couple of weeks have floored me. I have felt like I have been in a tunnel and cannot see the light. Well, the good news is, the light is finally there! My dad is out of hospital and hopefully in the care of a decent doctor who will help him recover. The wedding was cancelled, then brought forward in a mere 24 hours. Work seems to be going well, despite lack of sleep and physical and emotional exhaustion. All is good!

My dad has been in hospital. Not first world hospitals where you get nurses and people to assist you when you need something, but a Greek hospital, where your relatives are your nurse. I am getting more and more disillusioned with this place and this experience confirmed that. The statistics I read this week, also helped: Greece has the highest tax and NI contributions of about 150 countries surveyed, at 46% for a married couple with no children with only one income! Yet we have the lowest spending for health, education and welfare!!! And topping the corruption list (with 26% of people saying that they bribe regularly to have jobs done) followed by Mexico with 22%. The counrty coming third has 8%... 

I think Greece has lost the game and change is not imminent, nor -it seems some days- possible. I despair.

Ok, so this was going to be a post about the last few weeks... I have been feeling exhausted, yet spend half my time feeling hyper. Can't sleep. Haven't been able to exercise much - a swim here and there, some gym work and some Pilates at home. 

The back has been better, I am told because of the weather. I have stayed away from activities I know aggravate it, but the patterns seem all wrong lately and the pain seems to have moved to lower down in my leg. Have not had time to call my doctor. 

Goals for the next week: get three swimming sessions in, organise wedding, finish reports, get married. 

Trying to keep it simple and concentrate on the essentials! 

The personal stuff...

I have been off for a while. Fighting personal demons... and various viral infections. As with my immune system, my resistence to the little, everyday hardships of life seems greatly diminished at the moment. I occasionally look at myself and see a bitter, stressed and generally not very happy person. Not only do I not like it, I also know that the people around me are getting affected by it. 

I don't know if it is my lack of training and racing that is making me unhappy, or some other deep seated something... What I do know is that I choose not to live like this. So I'm back. And I am ready to be happy. To be able to get up in the morning and be glad to be alive. Ok... so I don't have my runs and rides, that heightened sense of well-being I used to get after a hard run on the mountain, or the beautiful feeling after a long summer's day on the saddle. I might or might not have it again. But my life cannot be ruled by that.

And so I need to concentrate on all the positives. Because I am not a quitter. Tri might or might not come. But I can still be active, albeit not to the same degree. 

My walk today was painful. My foot went numb only after 12 minutes of race-walking. The good news is, the pain went away after I got back and rested. Walking the Marathon might or might not be feasible. I have to be open and see how it goes. I need to be flexible with my goals. It could just have been the terrain - one does not normally race-walk on hills like the ones surrounding our house. So maybe I stay on the track. Again... I just need to wait and see.

I am going into this week positive. I have been enjoying swimming and I will start building up distance to see if I can complete the 5km open water swim in Lake Plastira in the summer and beat my time from last time. 

Being part at the Schiniathlon was great. Being a volunteer was hard and very emotional for me. Again. I wish I could grow out of it and leave the bitterness behind and be able to just enjoy being there. It feels like that sort of maturity is very far away from where I am at the moment.

I can aspire to that!