Monday, 9 August 2010

Looking from the outside in

I have been away. On holiday, I say to friends and family, but most look at me like I am crazy. On holiday? In England? What kind of crazy are you? No beaches, no bars, no sunshine...

But yes, this is part holiday, part retreat. It is where I have come to relax. To not deal with the phone bills, the tax office, the long list of things that need doing in the house and everybody else's needs. To be able to sleep and eat and run and write where and when I want.

I have enjoyed the cool green vastness of the English countryside, the subtlety of the English sunshine. The polite greeting of the cashier at the supermarket, the orderly rows of houses. I have enjoyed being cold enough to wear a jumper during the day. I have loved walking everywhere. And I have absolutely relished having 24 hours every day to do what I want.

Selfish, I know, and oh so indulgent!

When you're IN a problematic situation, whatever that situation might be, it is very hard to see out of it. Very hard to find a solution to it, to even think that you can come out of it. Greece (not just the country, but my own personal situation too) has trapped me, not physically, but trapped my thinking. I have been thinking so narrowly, looking for solution in front of me, yet not around me. This trip has changed this, my perspective has become more global again and my problems have become solvable again. I am looking from the outside in.

This trip has shown me the possibilities. Yet vast choice does not make us happy, and that too has become apparent. D and I have been talking about our future and we both feel powerful again. It feels like we have been through so much the last couple of years, yet we have also taken some very brave steps towards change.

And yes, it has left us in an unenviable situation of having no savings and sharing a house with my mother, but all with the goal of making big changes. We have taken risks that others don't, we have left behind a life we did not feel fullfilled us to build a life with more time for each other, more meaning in our employment, our engagement, more quality, less quantity.

Transitions are hard and we have been feeling that. We might be foolish in our outlook, only time wil tell, but we are brave. Most of the time.