I've been on a see-saw lately. Like a toddler, unstable, yet gripping on tight, while on the other side a load of weight has been piled on. Out of my control. The good news is: I am still on!
I feel like I am back to being balanced, after a month of uncertainty about the future, about where we want to be, where we need to be, what we want to do and what we need to do. Decisions have been made and both Duncan and I seem to be re-adjusting to the new reality, taking it into our stride and starting to enjoy it.
Any of you who follow will know that I was due to race my first IM distance race this August in Copenhagen. Most of you also know that I didn't. It was a decision not taken lightly, but I had to take into account so many different things that it did take a while to take. For both health and financial reasons both Duncan and I decided it was not wise (not to say it was not possible) to pursue it and so we both withdrew with a week to go.
Do I regret it? No.
Do I wish it could have been different? Oh yes!
But for the last year or so life has been such a challenge, getting out of bed, paying the bills, holding it together alone has taken all this effort, that training and racing has been a luxury we just could not afford.
The problem with when you strike a balance is that it always feels so fragile. It is teetering on the edge of tipping and, more often than not, you have little control over which way it's going to go.
I am striving to stay sane, but I am making no promises....