Something to live by...

My new something-to-live-by is this: "You can do anything you want, but you cannot do everything." Simple and succinct, as truth usually is.

I blatantly stole the phrase from Karnazes' book 50/50 (http://www.ultramarathonman.com/but it spoke to me so loudly at the time when I read it and its relevance on my own life has been proven pretty much every day since.

Few of us have the luxury of time. I know that both D and I try to cram so much into our day that often other things suffer. In the last few months I repeatedly started the day with a to-do list of 10+ items, only to have achieved 5 by the end of it. The problem is, and it is obvious, we cannot do everything. There are only 24 hours in a day and, if like me you love your bed, 8 of those are spent in bed. And, if like me you have a full time job, the other 8 you are at work. I won't go into the mathematics of time management - I am sure there are people out there (yes, you with children, jobs and training for IM's) who are far better qualified to give you the low down on how to juggle. No, this post is about the realisation that oftentimes, less is more.

I had a long hard think about it and I did put down my priorities. When you write it down in black and white, it is so much clearer. And life is now less stressful. Occasionally, and to some, my existence might seem ascetic, but it is just the way I like it! I prefer to take the dogs out for a run, than to go out for coffee. I would rather spend my Saturday morning writing, than ironing. And if not drying my hair with a hair dryer gives me 20 mins more in the pool... easy choice!

New member of the family Hardy (remember the puppies from the mountain -she is the sole survivor!) enjoying a well-earned rest after her first ever run on the mountain with the big boys, pictured below.

Here we go again!

I have been reading Dean Karnazes' book 50/50, about him running 50 marathons in 50 days. Not the best written book, but all the same has some good info for first time runners and made very pleasant reading on the plane and while back in Greece. If nothing else

it has inspired me to put a race on the calendar.

I have been running consistently for the last several months, but mostly with dogs and just for fun. I have also been trying new footwear (the Vibram Five Fingers, more on that later) and have been trying to take it easy, not running more than 20 to 30 mins on them, to let my feet (and I guess rest of body) adapt. The other reason for the changes in my running is that I now run with the dogs every time I go for a run. As D is away and the dogs

still need to be exercised, every run I do, 3 or 4 times a week, the dogs come with me. That means I cannot always do what I want to do, intervals, hills, track etc, but I have to be flexible to the wishes (and needs) of my furry running companions. That, of course, includes several peeing breaks on the runs and plenty of time sniffing bushes. Oh... and picking up bits of dead sheep and carrying them for the duration of each run. A couple of weeks ago I found a scapula on the back of the car, courtesy of Spencer. Not to mention the vertebrae he now carries with him on each and every run.

Needless to say, planned and structured training has given way to a mo

re relaxed approach to running (though I still

use my stopwatch on every run!)

It has been good for me, I have been focusing on the pleasure of being out there, on the mountain, the companionship of running with dogs, the sensations underfoot (not always good, as my bruised feet will attest to) and a more mindful way of running.

However, and after reading Karnazes' book I decided it might be time to enter another race. To put another target on the calendar and start working towards it. At first I had the crazy thought of running a marathon (the original route) on my 30th birthday. Just go out the door and run from Marathon to Athens. Ok... maybe not just go out the door, it would take a but of planning and support. And although I still toy with the idea, especially as the 30th looms (1 month to go!) I realised that if I were to do it, I would probably end up injured and out for the season. So, as a wiser, less impulsive, soon-to-be 30 year old runner I decided to enter a 10k. Target time? N

ot sure. But I know that I will go out and enjoy it! It will also be two days after D gets back, so it will be a nice way to celebrate his coming home.

It is not the only race I will be doing this winter. I have also been training for a 4.5km open water swim on 5th December. I had not been in the pool for a while, but I needed a reason to get back in and focus on something... and here it is. Hope it doesn't get to

o cold between now and then and the water temp remains reasonable - as much as I enjoy hardship, 4.5 km is a long way to be freezing for.

Fifi and I on the mountain this morning. Ran 7.5 km and we both felt it by the end! Spencer, younger and fitter, was still full of energy at the end of it.

More thoughts on dogs

It's been a good couple of weeks. Last time I wrote, I concentrated on the joys of having dogs in my life. Well, here is a list of the not so positives:

1. I will never get a line-in again. Spencer thinks 6.30 is a good time to get up even on weekends. Hmm...

2. I will never have a clean house. Even 10 mins after cleaning the floors, the usual piles of black hair and occasional slobber spots appear.

3. I will never be able to go on holiday/go running/go to the beach etc without the dogs, without intense pangs of guilt. Especially when they start crying as I drive/run/walk away.

4. I will never own a house with white furniture.

5. I will occasionally have to clean up what seems like tons of feathers from the back garden after the dogs have "attacked" and "killed" the pillow they were meant to be sleeping on.

6. I will never be able to pass another stray dog on the road, without feeling sad.

Still... wouldn't change them for the world!

We went running again this evening on the mountain. The dogs have learned to run next to each other and really enjoy the freedom of the mountain. As do I, of course.

"My goal in life...

...is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am." quote by Unknown.

The biggest blessing from our new life in Greece has certainly been our dogs. It has been a big life change, a great challenge and continues to be one of the biggest sources of pleasure, every single day.

It is strange how D and I have now ended up with 3 dogs (and if all goes to plan there will be another one added to the bunch soon).

A few weeks after my dad died D and I had gone mtb riding on the mountain with a friend. On the way back D found Spencer (and his littermates). Spencer came home two days later and has become a course of joy, pleasure and occasionally frustration ever since.

He has grown to be a beautiful dog, kind and thoughtful, maybe a bit of a mummy's boy - he follows me around the house all the time and his favourite activity is lying on my while we watch TV, as well as running on the mountain. I cannot imagine my life without him now.

What we hadn't quite planned on was the other two dogs that have come into our lives. Fifi was my dad's dog. My dad saved him from a life on the streets about 5 years ago and he has also grown to be a big and strong dog. He had been missing my dad's company and ever since we moved into my family house last June he has been a much happier dog. Spencer's company has proven quite a tonic - Fifi turns into a small puppy whenever he is around Spencer. He loves walks on the mountain; he really is a mountain dog. He is big, yet I am sure perceives himself to be a puppy still - he has a tendency to try and jump into your lap, all 50 kg of him!

On top of that we also inherited my mum's dog, Rhoda. She was found, when she was a tiny pup, small enough to sleep in my brother's shoe, behind the wheel (rhoda, in Greek) of a bus. My mum took her and gave her a home. Rhoda is a very insecure dog and was never socialised, yet she is coping just fine with the addition of the other two dogs into her territory. She is a very nervous dog who will happily forgo food in favour of a cuddle.

As if three dogs were not enough, two weeks ago and while running up on the mountain with the two boy dogs, Fifi went crazy. He ran down a steep ravine and would not come back up. D followed him down there (despite my worried cries) and found a bag of 6 puppies. Someone had thrown the bag over the side of the mountain, no doubt hoping that they would die. Two of them had, unfortunately, been killed by the impact but the other four were still alive and crying out for help. D picked them up in the bag, which stank of decomposing flesh, and we took them back to the car. We drove home trying not to be sick, while the little tykes wriggled around by my feet.

The four pups were tiny, stank of death and were obviously very hungry and cold. We called the vet for advice and she suggested that the only option we had, seeing as they were less than a week old, was to put them to sleep. Of course D would not hear of it. We called again after a while, asking for practical advice, what should they eat, how much, can we wash them (the stink was sickening) etc. After a wash and a feed with syringes left from when my dad was still at home, they settled into a deep sleep in their basket, cuddling a hot water bottle and each other.r. Not for a moment did we think we had any other choice.

That night we drove out trying to find a late night pharmacy and bought bottles and dummies. The next day D bought formula and we took turns feeding them every four hours (though, truth be told most of the hard work was done by D who did not have to go to school the next day.) The next couple of days went by and a bit of a daze, as the pups took pretty much most of our time and energy. They would sleep for 3 or 4 hours, then wake up, demanding milk. They were totally reliant, even needing 'manual stimulation' in order to pee and poo. It was becoming obvious that in two days, when D would leave, I would not be able to look after them, as I would be at work for 9 hours every day. We were not sure what to do...

After asking for advice at school and asking colleagues and parents about what to do, we were coming to the difficult decision that we could not look after them and we would have to put them to sleep, otherwise they would starve to death. D could not take them with him to SA, I could not possibly take them to work to feed them several times a day, no shelter would take them as they were too young and we could not think of anyone who could undertake such a full time project. Thursday night was sad, as we contemplated taking them to the vet on Saturday morning.

Enter a friend, who came to our house to pick up my bike. She saw the little pups, then listened to the story. "There is no way you should put them down" she said and she proceeded to think about possible homes for them. Half an hour later we had a possible "foster home." A dear friend of hers had agreed to take the pups for a few weeks, until they would be a bit bigger and ready to be rehomed. The sense of relief was overwhelming and I spent the next day hoping and praying that K would not change her mind.

The puppies have now opened their eyes. They are happy and healthy. They are still being bottle fed, are able to walk and (apparently) are making more noise than ever! Unfortunately the runt of the litter (the small brown one from the pic above) did not make it and died couple of days ago. Still, she died in better conditions than in a bag on the mountain.

We are most likely keeping one of the little tykes, and we seem to have found homes for the other two as well.

I never thought I would be so happy to have some many dogs in my life, but as Ben Williams (?) said: "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

On Silence

I have been enjoying the silence this week. D is away, he will be in SA for a couple of months, doing his practical training as part of his postgraduate course. I had been dreading the time, not having been alone for a very long time.

It has been such a surprise, loving this silence. I have enjoyed getting home to a quiet house, especially after the constant noise of the primary classroom. I have enjoyed doing little, reading on the sofa, going to bed early, waking up even earlier. So much so that it got me thinking: Am I the sort of person who is better alone?

The truth is it has been an enlightening period, yet D is still with me even when he is not. I sleep in his shirt at night, as I find his smell comforting. I still, even after a week, wake up in the night thinking he is close to me. I feel his love every time I take the compost out - he has put little stepping stones on the earth so that I can walk to the compost bin without getting muddy feet.

I am enjoying my time of silence, yet at the same time feel so lucky that I have someone to share my life with. Life is so much more fulfilling when you share it. As for training, it is no fun on my own (especially the swimming!) Can't wait for D to get back.

Balance

I've been on a see-saw lately. Like a toddler, unstable, yet gripping on tight, while on the other side a load of weight has been piled on. Out of my control. The good news is: I am still on!

I feel like I am back to being balanced, after a month of uncertainty about the future, about where we want to be, where we need to be, what we want to do and what we need to do. Decisions have been made and both Duncan and I seem to be re-adjusting to the new reality, taking it into our stride and starting to enjoy it.

Any of you who follow will know that I was due to race my first IM distance race this August in Copenhagen. Most of you also know that I didn't. It was a decision not taken lightly, but I had to take into account so many different things that it did take a while to take. For both health and financial reasons both Duncan and I decided it was not wise (not to say it was not possible) to pursue it and so we both withdrew with a week to go.

Do I regret it? No.
Do I wish it could have been different? Oh yes!

But for the last year or so life has been such a challenge, getting out of bed, paying the bills, holding it together alone has taken all this effort, that training and racing has been a luxury we just could not afford.

The problem with when you strike a balance is that it always feels so fragile. It is teetering on the edge of tipping and, more often than not, you have little control over which way it's going to go.

I am striving to stay sane, but I am making no promises....

Looking from the outside in

I have been away. On holiday, I say to friends and family, but most look at me like I am crazy. On holiday? In England? What kind of crazy are you? No beaches, no bars, no sunshine...

But yes, this is part holiday, part retreat. It is where I have come to relax. To not deal with the phone bills, the tax office, the long list of things that need doing in the house and everybody else's needs. To be able to sleep and eat and run and write where and when I want.

I have enjoyed the cool green vastness of the English countryside, the subtlety of the English sunshine. The polite greeting of the cashier at the supermarket, the orderly rows of houses. I have enjoyed being cold enough to wear a jumper during the day. I have loved walking everywhere. And I have absolutely relished having 24 hours every day to do what I want.

Selfish, I know, and oh so indulgent!

When you're IN a problematic situation, whatever that situation might be, it is very hard to see out of it. Very hard to find a solution to it, to even think that you can come out of it. Greece (not just the country, but my own personal situation too) has trapped me, not physically, but trapped my thinking. I have been thinking so narrowly, looking for solution in front of me, yet not around me. This trip has changed this, my perspective has become more global again and my problems have become solvable again. I am looking from the outside in.

This trip has shown me the possibilities. Yet vast choice does not make us happy, and that too has become apparent. D and I have been talking about our future and we both feel powerful again. It feels like we have been through so much the last couple of years, yet we have also taken some very brave steps towards change.

And yes, it has left us in an unenviable situation of having no savings and sharing a house with my mother, but all with the goal of making big changes. We have taken risks that others don't, we have left behind a life we did not feel fullfilled us to build a life with more time for each other, more meaning in our employment, our engagement, more quality, less quantity.

Transitions are hard and we have been feeling that. We might be foolish in our outlook, only time wil tell, but we are brave. Most of the time.