Usually when I go to hospital and after I have helped my dad have his dinner, "exercised" his now immobile legs, rubbed his back and chatted, he falls asleep and I switch off, reading my book. Yesterday things were different. His condition has deteriorated and I didn't need to do any of the above - he is no longer able to take food and he was mostly asleep, struggling to open his eyes the few times I tried to speak to him. And so sitting in there, in the dark, I put my book down. I wanted to live in that moment, to listen to his breath and feel his energy. To feel lucky one more time, that in that moment he was still with me. I froze that moment and will always have it with me.
What a cliche to say that life is made of moments. We all know it, most of us try to live every single one of them. Yet you can't. Life is not like that - if it were we would get so caught up in moments that we would be unable to function. There is nothing special about grocery shopping, or commuting, or photocopying. But we do owe it to ourselves and to those around us to take some time out occasionally and just be. In the moment. Freeze it and keep it. Your husband's heart beat before he wakes up in the morning. The first sip of your coffee, just as you like it. The moment you finish a run and you lie on the ground, heart still beating, sweat still dripping and you feel like you are on top of the world.
I had all of those moments yesterday. Every day is filled with joy, pain, anguish, happiness, boredom. It's all life. I embrace my tears, I embrace my laughter. I deny myself nothing when it comes to emotions. My parents taught me that and they both still do, every day.
My training has also been full of moments this week. I loved swimming this week, partly because it wasn't as cold and getting into the pool was a bit more pleasant. Partly because my training was more focused with the help of www.swimplan.com. Awesome website - any of you regular swimmers out there: a resource to be used.
I did two bikes (both turbos - had the chance of an actual ride, but did not want to be too far from home just in case I was needed in hospital), 2 swims, 1 gym and only 1 run/walk this week. Hit the 8 hour mark again and my body feels good. I feel like I am getting stronger and I am concentrating on quality and consistency. Racing is a motivating factor, but the rest of the time I just feel lucky to be able to get out there day after day to do what I enjoy.
The run I did with Duncan opened up my heart and nurtured my spirit. It was a glorious day yesterday, though a bit windy, so we decided the track would be better than the mountain. I got so absorbed into it that the 50 mins flew past and I was hoping that D would also want to stay longer. No such luck. I guess it's good to be leaving a workout feeling hungry for more and looking forward to the next one.